Dirty Dan's Korner
Welcome to "Dirty Dan's Korner". "Dirty Dan" is a connoisseur (connoi-sewer?) of straight-to-video softcore, "pink" movies. If you are easily skeeved-out, please, SKIP HIS REVIEWS! -- Otherwise, enjoy "Dirty Dan's" evaluation of movies that are the male equivalent of women's romance novels. In other words, the sex without the romance. It ain't pretty. Of course, all of "Dirty Dan's" opinions are his own. Ick...
Big Boobs Buster (1993)
"Recently, I've had the extreme pleasure to screen a video copy of a movie called "Big Boobs Buster". It's a Japanese "erotic comedy" about a high school girl (Masako) who seems to have everything going for her. She's in love with a popular boy (Bando-san) who she desperately wants to go steady with. She has presented her case to him, and now he in turn presents his case to her. He lists all her good qualities, which are many, but in the end he can’t date her because her tits are too small. She is devastated. Alas, the "Big Boobs Buster" is born..."
Different Strokes (1998)
"Jack is an overbearing, oversexed fuckwad that would like nothing better than to get his gorgeous girlfriend Jill, and her skanky new friend, also Jill (played by real life skank Dana Plato), into a menage a trois. Jill (Landon Hall) is a knockout brunette who acts on her cunnilingus curiosity because she cannot find love and affection from her asswipe boyfriend, hence the too stupid for words original title of "Jack and Jill and Jill", a triangle with no corners."
Girls Gone Wild (1998)
"The baring of breast at Mardi Gras or Spring Break is as American as apple pie and baseball. Only a country as repressed as ours could be this weird and sick about sex. Who invented this scam? Obviously, it was a man, maybe, Thomas Jefferson. Speaking of weird and sick, baseball is a perfect companion for viewing such tapes as “GGW”. Believe it or not, the flashing of breasts (big, bigger and biggest) can become unsatisfying without some kind of payoff. It’s like taking a bite of your favorite food and spitting it out without ever getting to chew."
Naked Killer (1992)
"There's not one redeeming thing about "Naked Killer." It's a sleazy 93-minute romp through a cinematic cesspool of crass exploitation... I whole heartily recommend adding it to your personal collection of Far East "pink movies" (right next to "Big Breast Hunter" and "Zero Woman")."
Play-Mate of the Apes (2002)
"Seduction Cinema has been churning out near porno-quality schlock at an alarming rate and their main asset is their favorite go-to girl, Misty Mundae. If you aren't familiar with her work, think of Misty as the Meryl Streep of softcore Lesbo movies... isn't it amazing how the cinema teaches us about our psyches and how to embrace our inner selves, even if our inner selves are totally repellent?"