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The Saint (1997)

Directed by Phillip Noyce

The Saint -- cold fusion

The only thing this howler has in common with its TV predecessor is its title. Smug and smirky Val Kilmer is the no-name thief for hire who crosses a rich Ruskie with political ambitions. Elisabeth Shue tries her hand at a female version of the absent minded professor but instead comes off as a stereotypically dumb blond who has accidentally stumbled across the secret to cold-fusion in her bra. The annoyingly intense and egotistical Kilmer bangs her and steals the formula. What follows is a convoluted and badly executed chase around Moscow as Shue and Kilmer elude the Reds or whatever.

The Saint -- Kilmer in disguise

A question to director Phillip Noyce: Why go all the way to Moscow to have a chase scene inside a sewer? This is not at all like the classic chase through the sewers of Vienna between Joseph Cotton and Orson Welles in "The Third Man". Matter of fact, if you want to see a good movie, why don't you rent "The Third Man" instead of this turkey? Another thing while I'm at it, not since Keanu Reeves in "Johnny Mnemonic", wearing buckteeth and Japo-glasses (or Superman in his Clark Kent persona), has a character been such a master of disguises. My favorite was Kilmer hulking around in a maid's uniform. In this effort Simon Templer is the Inspector Clouseau of thieves. -- Rating: $3.26

Tom Graney -- copyright Hollywood Outsider 1997

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