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Resident Evil (2002)

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Resident Evil -- poster

A willowy and memory-wiped Milla Jovovich tags along with a group of paramilitary police as they travel into an underground research complex in order to shutdown the facility's murderous computer. Dopey names ("Raccoon City", "Umbrella Company") add to the cartooney logic as the would-be do-gooders come to realize that the laboratory's computer has been killing everyone in the complex in order to prevent the spread of a highly contagious virus that turns humans and animals into ravenous, cannibal zombies. If the virus gets out the world will be destroyed. The characters remain aloof and non-engaging and there aren't enough monsters and zombies to cover up the worn out plot.

If you're going to rent this, definitely get it on DVD and watch it with the audio commentary. You'll hear director Paul W.S. Anderson, Milla Jovovich (Anderson's real life girlfriend), and Michelle Rodriguez prattle on about Berlin, champagne, and "The Kit Kat Klub." They attest to the fact that the "Kit Kat Klub" is totally awesome! What this has to do with "Resident Evil" no one knows but who cares? They're all fabulously wealthy, beautiful, empty-headed Hollywood gods and you're not, and that's the point! By the way, to go into the "Kit Kat Klub" you have to be in your underwear (just like the "Jimmy Eat World" music video "The Middle"). How cool is that, to be in your underwear with Milla Jovovich while she's in her bra and panties and the both of you are hanging out, so to speak, at the "Kit Kat Klub" in Berlin!?! Milla reveals that she cheated by wearing a leather bra that she also wears while walking around on the street. That bitch!

Resident Evil -- Milla Jovovich

Look, I'm not really angry (yeah, right), I'm just jealous (and bitter). I'll also admit that the audio commentary is fascinating, just like a twenty car pile up on a highway. You'll also get to hear Milla go ballistic on Michelle Rodriguez who mispronounces the "J" in Jovovich's name. Irritated, Milla points out that her name is pronounced "Yovovich, how hard is that?" Pretty damn hard, I think. I mean, is everyone really supposed to care how to pronounce her name. Maybe, if we were both naked at a club together, then, maybe, I would care! Michelle Rodriguez gets her moments to shine by trying to work the description "quietly subtle" into the conversation. What that means, who knows.

This addled would-be horror flick is a "prequel" to the popular computer game with the same name. Watch out for "Resident Evil 2" which promises to be more true to the computer game. Oh, joy! -- Rating: $1.76 or with the DVD's audio commentary... priceless!

Tom Graney -- copyright Hollywood Outsider 2002

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