The Zine That Teaches You How to Love
Directed by John Irvin
Simian-like Harvey Keitel gets to drop his pants one more time in this stupid jewel heist pic. His negotiations with the producers probably went something like this, "Yeah, I'll do your stupid, fuckin' movie but I gotta get naked. Look at dis (*ZIP*)... and check dis out (*REMOVES SHIRT*). Yeah, dat's right. You got it. I waxed my fuckin' shoulders!"
Interesting casting choices abound in this low-grade yet more expensive version of "To Live and Die in L.A.". Famke Janssen as a street tough's ho (?), Timothy Hutton as a criminal mastermind (??), Elliot Gould as the leader of a Chinese gang (???) and Marcello Mastroianni as a Geppetto-like subway shoeshiner (just kidding). There are a few perversely funny moments -- a shoot out in the trailer park, which brings all the heavily armed denizens to their squeaky screen doors. Pretty unpleasant all around. Case in point, Harv's gratuitous nude bathtub romp. Look out! Lucy Liu has a bit part as a stripper which is the only reason to see this flick. I'm including a shot so you don't have to bother. Come on, honestly, wouldn't even Harv's mom rather see Lucy Liu naked? -- Rating: $1.50
Tom Graney -- copyright 1997 Hollywood Outsider