Old Stuff
Blade II (2002)
Directed by Guillermo Del Toro
He stars in action movies. He wears black leather outfits. He has tons of attitude, almost all of it bad. Apparently, he has zero sense of humor about himself or his life. He's too cool for a sense of humor. Hell, he's too cool for the room! No, it's not Steven Seagal. It's Wesley Snipes! He's everyone's favorite over-pumped, heroic "day walker"/vampire in the "Blade" films!
Okay, the first "Blade" was fun, but the idea of watching "Blade II" was as appealing as taking a two hour dip at a sewage treatment plant. Be that as it may, there's no sophomore jinx for the "Blade" series. "Blade II" is a non-stop, rapid-fire machinegun of pasty vampires that will totally please any B-movie action fan. Plot? We don't need no stinking plot! We've got vampires, man, lots and lots of frickin', freaky vampires! "Blade II" is a perfect marriage of amped up characters with relentless action.
Key to "Blade II's" all natural badness is a cast that is perfectly suited to backing up Snipes' acting style. Kris Kristofferson is once again paired with Snipes, which is just pure cinematic genius. Kristofferson, with his grizzled hair, gravelly face, and raspy voice has all the personality of a lump coal. I'm a fan but it looks like it hurts Kristofferson to take a breath. Next to this corpse, Snipes seems like an over-emoting silent film star. As if this wasn't good enough, Ron Pearlman is onboard as one of a specially trained squad of hitman-vampires. Any film with Ron "the manimal" Pearlman is instantly 15% better (my favorite Ron Pearlman role was as the mentally-challenged monk "Salvatore" in the medieval who-done-it, "The Name of the Rose").
This is way off the point, like I have a point, but how cool would it be to have a movie teaming Ron Pearlman, Pete Postlethwaite and that weird-looking guy from "Delicatessen"? I know saying, "That weird-looking guy from 'Delicatessen'", doesn't exactly narrow it down. Lewis Leakey spent his entire career searching for the missing link. I guess he never watched a movie with any of these guys in it... or took a gander at this humble reviewer.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, "Blade II"! We follow Blade as he tracks down his old mentor, Kristofferson, and joins a vampire ninja-squad that is hunting for the leader of a new and more dangerous breed of vampires called "the reapers". The reapers are less techno than the pleather-bound regulars that inhabit the world of the "Blade" movies. They are much more like the traditional, ratty, bald, Nosferatu-type bloodsuckers, however, they're immune to most of the traditional weapons used to kill the children of the night.
In the process of hunting these super-leeches, Blade falls in love with the hit-squad's leader, played by hottie Leonor Varela. Okay, maybe "falls in love with" is a bit strong. Blade is a little too narcissistic to fall in love with anyone but himself. Let's just say he notices someone else for once and in a positive way. I don't think I've ever seen Leonor Varela before but she managed to shine in what is essentially a crappy, thankless role. Her character wears a metal neck thingy, kind of like a chastity belt for vampires. This is probably not a bad idea since it seems like vampires are always going for the jugular in these kind of films. Anyway, a hunk of brass is a visual relief from all the shiny black faux leather.
"Blade II" doesn't get overly caught up in the plot convolutions but keeps the vampire-killing going from the beginning to the end. If you liked the first "Blade" then "Blade II" won't disappoint. It's best viewed with your honey while spooning, and giving each other hickeys. -- Rating: $5.23
Tom Graney -- copyright 2002 Hollywood Outsider