At Random
Flesh for Frankenstein (AKA, Andy Warhol's Frankenstein, 1973)
Directed by Paul Morrissey
Produced by Andy Warhol
Well, I spun myself around the video store, closed my eyes and chose "At Random": This time around my search led me to "Flesh for Frankenstein" an "Andy Warhol presents, a film by Paul Morrissey" film. Too much name dropping if you ask me. In fact, if I was involved in this movie, I probably would've used an alias. Probably Stone Edwards. Look for it when I review Caligula.
Anyway, I strayed a bit. This movie is a new take on an old idea... except it's supposed to have an "infusion of satiric wit and sexuality" (according to the video box). This movie is bad. It looks like the filmmakers just learned how to do special effects and built a script around it. The script itself actually resembles Frankenstein more than the plot: seemingly put together with different pieces from various sources. The box also states that in some theaters, this movie was presented in Spacevision 3-D. If you think I was spending too much time reading the video box, you definitely haven't seen this movie.
The movie takes place in Germany or Austria... it's not clear. Most of the cast members have accents that kind of resemble some Germanic-like quality. Except for one guy who is straight (and I use the term loosely) out of Brooklyn. This does not seem intentional. It does not seem like the director's "satiric wit" at play. It's more like "Did you ever think of acting?" The previous quote is more effective if you visualize it being said right after a motorized, tinted window of a BMW rolls down on Hollywood and Vine.
So where was I? Oh yeah, Germany or Austria. So the scenery is very nice. A lot of castles and trees. Udo Kier plays "Dr. Frankenstein" who is married to his sister, and seems to have two children with her. She looks like that millionaire's wife who's addicted to plastic surgery. I think she was on Time Magazine or something... you know, the one who looks like a lion? Anyway, it's kind of bizarre, because they have two children, a boy and a girl, who are really eerie, creepy little imps. They're always lurking around and hardly speak.
The movie has Baron Frankenstein searching for the perfect male and female body parts to assemble the ideal specimens, so that he can have them mate and produce perfect children for him. He is really obsessed with looks (hey, who wouldn't be if your sister/wife looked like Simba?) and is very particular about the sexual urges of his male specimen's brain. So the Brooklyn guy is hanging out with his friend who has a Slavic accent. This is the most unlikely duo. I haven't seen such a mismatch since Felix and Oscar. I wonder which is the sloppy one? It's really ridiculous when 'Brooklyn guy' says to 'Slavic guy' "Come on, we're best friends, I've known you all my life." I wondered, was he some New York exchange student/dropout? Be that as it may, Brooklyn guy is an over-sexed womanizer, whereas Slavic guy is considering becoming a monk... oh yeah, and has a secret homosexual crush on Brooklyn guy. So Brooklyn guy arranges to take Slavic guy to a whore house to let him see how stupid becoming a monk would be. Slavic guy agrees. So, they go to this brothel and the usual things go on.
Meanwhile, Baron Frankenstein along with his "Igor", go outside the house of ill repute and accidentally think that Slavic guy is an over-sexed, perfect specimen. So they attack "Felix and Oscar", and cut off Felix's head to transplant on the body back at the lab. The wackiness ensues in a never ending bedroom farce right out of "Noises Off". Simba hires Tony Danza to service her, who in turn recognizes his friend's head on another man's body. How many times has that happened to him before? He now wants to get to the bottom of these shenanigans. He elicits the two weird kids to help him break into their father's laboratory. Here's where all the special effects take place. There must have been a sale on organ meats at the neighborhood butcher shop. Anyway, everyone dies at the end except the two weird kids and Brooklyn guy. Although his fate is questionable. Don't be mad that I told you the ending. Believe me, this isn't the kind of movie you watch to see how it turns out. Forgive me if I didn't give you the cast by name, there are NO final credits to this film. In fact, it just says: "END" at the end. They spared us the huge question mark part. And you thought Warhol only did soup cans. ($0.05 Rating or a half-eaten can of sardines)