Old Stuff
The Apostle (1997)
Directed by Robert Duvall
Praise God! His holiness, Bishop Duvall of the Hollywood diocese put his own money in the collection plate to get this film produced and the Good Lord smiled upon him. Duvall plays a career holy roller who runs his own rural Texas church with his wife (Farrah Fawcett, who looks like... well, let's just say it's 1998, not 1978) as well as traveling around to fire up tent meetings and the like to spread the word O'Jesus. He even goes as far as sneaking onto the scene of an auto accident to convert a bleeding victim who is still at the wheel, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. The problem is that Duvall's character doesn't quite have the perfect home life. He's a womanizer, and wifey Farrah has had enough. When she says she wants a divorce, his response is to ask her to kneel down with him to pray for reconciliation. In short, he is totally unable to relate to her as a person -- the only mode of communication he knows is religion.
At this point, he suspects that he's not the only one entering her pearly gates and his suspicions are confirmed when he unexpectedly pays a visit to his better half at her lover's house. After using his rival's head for batting practice, Duvall realizes he's gotta get the hell outta Dodge, winds up in Louisiana at the house of a retired preacher and convinces the ol' man to start up a new church with him. Now going only by his initials, E.F. (I was hoping he would use Tom Hagen as an alias), he knows he is on borrowed time and just wants to get the church going before he's found by Johnny Law.
What we wind up with is the story of a man who is a master at starting churches from nothing, who can out preach all others, but whose personal life is in the dumpster out in back of the rectory. As usual, duvall is great. He is one of those actors who could be dead and would still be interesting in any scene. I could go on with my nose firmly planted in R.D.'s anus, but I must pause to complain about the one huge cop-out that occurs at the film's turning point. While he is in Louisiana, the Apostle Duvall starts a radio show on a local station. One fine day, Farrah "no day at the beach to look at" Fawcett is minding her own beeswax back in Texas, happily chopping vegies in the kitchen with the radio on, when all of a sudden that crazy radio just starts changing stations all by itself! Go figure! And guess which Louisiana station just HAPPENS to come in? Yep, it's E.F., the preachin' felon coming in loud and clear. And there's also a station I.D., tipping our wrinkled angel off to hubby's whereabouts. Why not just have Robert "Charlie" Forsythe announce it and tell Farrah to take a look in the mirror while he's at it? Still, this one is worth seeing, especially if you're in need of a little churchin' up. Bring a bottle of hooch and take a swig every time someone says "Jesus". See you in detox. -- Rating: $6.66
Mike Santoro -- copyright 1997