Old Stuff
Anaconda (1997)
Directed by Luis Losa
"Anaconda" is an unintentionally hilarious "Jaws"/"Moby Dick" rip-off. After a documentary film director (Eric Stoltz) is sidelined by a snakebite, trouser-snake charmer Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez) leads her film crew on an epic battle against a captain Ahab-like Paul Sarone (John Voight) plus a crappy CGI anaconda. A mumbling and puffy Voight comes across like Brando as Paul kills anyone who gets between him and his snake (snicker, snicker). The film crew, which includes Ice Cube, is not believable. This group of pantywaists couldn't survive Central Park forget about in the Amazon rain forest. The low-ball computer graphic snake looks like it was painted into the various scenes and its size and scale is not consistent from one shot to the next, never mind scene to scene. Over-the-top and completely goofy. Worth every penny of a video rental so you can do your own home version of "Mystery Science 3000". -- Rating: $5.00
Tom Graney -- copyright 1997 Hollywood Outsider